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- Spoiler:
- What is troll?
New
members or those new to the ways of the boards might hear a lot of talk
about 'trolling' 'trolls' or 'trollers', this often leads them to a big
pile of confusion and exposure of newbness. So what is troll?
Troll
is someone who has failed both at life, and in the internet.
Occasionally, it is impossible to seriously fail in the internetz. But
trolls have done the impossible. They fail. Because of this destruction
in the delicate fabric of time and space, trolls fail it. And they want
others to feel their fail. Do not walk into troll trap.
There are two types of troll: the smart troll and the normal troll.
Normal
troll is annoyance. And fail. IQ lower than 9000 feet below sea level.
Trolls like these are not worth a dime. You can make more money selling
poop rather than selling a normal troll. Normal troll usually exists
with a haphazard board name (see Troll Conventions as to the reason
why) and haz usually no avatar. When encountering such troll, hunt with
extreme prejudice. (Hunting techniques explained later.)
Smart
troll is dangerous. But still fail. Smart troll has IQ close to a
normal baby. When encountering such a troll, do not hunt alone. Smart
trolls can fight back (but still fail at it though). Smart trolls
comprehend human speech and sometimes troll boards in packs. Smart
trolls do advanced research, plan out their attacks, and hit you where
it hurts. A smart troll can be identified by its apparent big head, and
strong wind currents around it. Expect epic story when a smart troll
goes down.OMG! Ph33r! How to combat troll?!
See Hunting Techniques.
Whar trolls come from? D:
Trolls
were once human beings. Once. Because their non-existent girlfriends
dumped them, or because nobody-understands-me-bawwwww; they exist.
Blame real-life. But don't do it. Do not risk being troll. D:Why j00 make dis guide d00d?
Bored. Thinking of something to contribute to the Gods and Goddesses section. Meh, I also had a stalker troll.
--------------
Okay, so that's that. Let us now procede to Troll Identification 101.
==============
How Can I Haz Identify Troll?
aka "Troll Conventions"
=============
-Normal trolls have 0-50 post counts. Keyboard too small for troll fingers.
- Normal trolls do not have avatars or signatures. It is punishable by law (moar like lawl, amirite?) to display a hideous troll's face. See a troll's face and be mentally scarred for life.
-Normal
trolls do not speak straight human language. Do not attempt to engage
one in conversation. You have higher success chance getting a +26 Holy
Rune than to successfully communicate with a troll.
-Normal
trolls have a lifespan of at least one day. Not even worthy of an epic
failure. They just fail. This phenomenon is called "failing at
failing". =/
-Smart trolls have higher post counts than normal
trolls. They may look human, and feel human. Too bad they fail it.
Easily identified by shared characteristic with normal trolls: full of
nonsense. :3
-Smart trolls have avatars, and oversized
signatures, usually those of the inhumane kind. Whatever you do, shield
your eyes from troll literature. It burns, and has an intensity equal
to a thousand white suns.
-Smart trolls persist for a long time,
or until GM bans account and makes new one. But smart trolls are,
unfortunately, smart. They know how to walk around ban and ip blockeh.
Advanced hunting methods are required for smart trolls. Only
troll-hunting parties (and GM permishun) can effectively bring down
successful troll.===========
Common Troll Attacks
===========
1. j00 losers in board!!! weak!!!
Rating: normal
Note: Troll forgets he is also in board. The paradoxical statement completely nullifies his assertion.
2. x is gay!
Rating: funneh
Note: Medieval troll is medieval. Observe silence for poor troll's ignorance.
3. you guys suck!!!
Rating: normal
Note:
Assert feminine side to avoid attack. If troll takes bait and changes
statement of guys to 'girls', allow rightful female rage to take over.
Hell hath no win against a woman scorned (sorry, forgot the original
phrase. .__. )
4.
Rating: not worth it
Note:
Boards filter is win. Allow system to help troll express how
badmouthing is wrong and how he luuuuurves Grand Chase so much. =D
5. ajrperrq62343hjjksgh52345jk2h345j
Rating: spam
Note:
Self-destructing troll. Be wary of troll boogers when troll starts
slobbering all over place. Sign of immediate loss of whatever
intelligence had left troll.
6. pvp tau bla bla / guild war na lang!
Rating: funneh
Note:
Do not entertain. One, trolls cannot play Grand Chase. They fail it.
Two, trolls don't have guilds. They don't even know what it means.
Words achieved through random slamming of abused keyboard is most
accepted theory.
Other attacks will be archived later. :3
=============
Troll Hunting Techniques
aka "Raising your Anti-Troll Skills to level 10"
============
Trolls
die out in two known ways: they get buried or they explode. Here are
some how-to's to help make your troll hunting experience fun and
enjoyable."The Funneh"
When
troll starts flaming (it means randomly spouting nonsense), immediately
laugh. Insert smiley emoticons. Express love and joy. Start dancing
around troll and throw flowers everywhere. This confuses troll and
makes it attack once more. Insert more lolz to completely confound
troll. A sad troll is a happy place to be in. =D"The Invisibility Cloak"
When
troll starts flaming, immediately insert a picture that has more sense
than troll. Even if picture has no sense, it still has more sense than
troll.
Discuss picture with other forumites, completely ignoring troll. Do not feed troll. Ignore it."OMG! Kelan lalabas si Lass?! D: "
When
troll starts flaming, quote the troll and immediately ask other people
when will Lass get released. If troll answers, completely ignore and
wait for someone to answer for you. If no one answers, immediately
retreat, and get a friend's help to answer your question. Once question
is answered, leave troll alone with a happy smile on your face and 2
additional post counts. =D
Even if Lass is released, still ask "kelan lalabas si Lass? D: ""Verbose"
Do not feed the troll attention. But if you must, feed with poison in the form of heavy English.
Ask assistance to convert something mundane into something with a gentleman-ish touch. E.g:
NO
U! becomes " I find that the statement made by the person that has
asserted before me applies more to himself than to his intended target.
Pip pip, tally ho~"
or
LOL becomes " The statement made
by the starter of this particular string of ideas and thoughts seem to
be vague and misshapen that I find the idea truly and remarkably
preposterous, leaving me rapidly exhaling and inhaling for breath while
continously expressing my amusement to the people that is around me.
Jolly wut wut?"
Assert intelligence. Trolls don't have it.Counter-Flame
Effective against: smart troll
If
smart troll is intelligent enough to type coherent sentences, disregard
'do not feed sign' and counter flame with sense-loaded posts. Assert
that troll has a long way to go before improving at life."Meme"
Prerequisite: Must have had experience with 4chan.
4chan
is a dangerous place, apply skills learned from 4chan with extreme
caution. Only use skills when other /b/tards are around, lest fail.
More skills to be archived over time. :3"k"
When faced with a troll, simply reply 'k'.
you suk! 'k'
you looser! 'k'
you gay! 'k'
aiubosijwjr 'k'
?????? 'k'
Watch troll self-destruct."Wapanese"
Prerequisite: Must have guild
If
troll sees guild toilet and immediately sets residency on it, fill the
guild up with wapanese (japanese talk) or some far-out dialect that
only your guild understands. Yes, konyo counts. Or geh lingo, if you
want to rub salt on their noses.
If troll understands your language, ignore. Trolls do not understand anything. It is only your imagination.
=============
Smart Trolls
=============
Unfortunately,
it usually takes a pack effort to successfully bring down a smart
troll. Form a guild party if necessary. Smart trolls are immune to most
normal-troll-hunting techniques.
Mostly, smart trolls think
they fight with logic. But it is troll logic, which is 9000 times below
huminzz logic. Smart trolls refuse general information and assert
me-information. Immediately slap reality in troll's face to bring it
back from its high chair. You are not cool. You are not smart. No, you
do not have a girlfriend (or vice-versa if troll is non-man).
Often,
smart trolls are people within the forums for a long time. Be ready for
treachery, especially with a troll that knows your weakpoints.
Strengthen your mental fervor and keep a cool head, and a happy smile
in your face.
===========
Weppunzz Against Troll
===========
- Photobucket for your image needs. The site has a lot of funneh pictures to ignore troll or to shield attacks.
- Google is your friend. Use search button with pride and without reservation.
-LOLcats for effective picture meme. Dogs are gewd against trolls, but a cat is fine too. Use cat to pawnzorz troll.
- motifake.com for demotivation needs. Look for funneh pictures to boost morale.
- onemanga.com to have something to talk about while waiting for troll to explode in a lolzy manner.
- Report Buttan
is VERY important. Immediately use upon identifying troll on-sight.
Report Buttan summons special guardian force FM Cloud to purge spammeh.
FM attacks combo with GM to banzorz troll upon identification. Only use
Report Buttan when one is sure troll is troll.
Press Buttan and Reciev Ban. :3
============
Teh Summary
============
-
Trolls are misunderstood people. Do not attempt to understand them.
They will eat you if you show one bit of compassion. Trolls are there
for the misery of forum newbies. Eradication is teh only option.
- Trolls require love and attention. Therefore, ignore and ignore them. Everyone deserves love. Except trolls.
-
Trolls cannot read. Nor write. Whatever intelligence a troll is
exhibiting is just your imagination. Except for smart trolls. But
you're still smarter than a smart troll. Exploit that intelligence of
yours and refuse to submit to troll baiting.
- When troll
targets you, immediately feel flattered and revolted at the same time.
Disclaim your feelings at once and properly reject troll. When troll
continually harrasses you to accept their love (aka making thread
topics, or impersonating you), threaten to throw your neighbor's urinal
pot (and its content) at troll if they attempt to make "harana" in your
house.
Trolls change gender when they love someone. If you are
a boy, troll is boy. If you are girl, troll is girl. We refer trolls as
'it' when they just spam and flame without direction.
- Trolls
are there to remind you that God loves you enough to make you a human,
instead of a lowly troll hiding under a bridge. Be happy.
-
Trolls are afraid of zombie movies, weak against fire attacks
(counter-flaming) and gender talks (especially when they are target of
talks). Smart trolls, when faced with a smart forumite, become normal
trolls. Consider yourself winnar when smart troll degrades to normal
troll. Fresh meat.
- Common warcry that makes trolls mad is
"bawwwwwwww!" When you are first to reply in troll thread, disregard
any idea and write "bawwwwwwww!" instead. Make troll mad and recieve
profit!
An improved version of "bawwwwwwwww!" is "Cry moar! 8D".
To find out click the spoiler button.
Original thread is here: http://gcboards.levelupgames.ph/index.php?showtopic=10691
