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    How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

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    Reuku
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    How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by Reuku on 16/8/2009, 6:42 am

    Spoiler:

    What is troll?


    New
    members or those new to the ways of the boards might hear a lot of talk
    about 'trolling' 'trolls' or 'trollers', this often leads them to a big
    pile of confusion and exposure of newbness. So what is troll?

    Troll
    is someone who has failed both at life, and in the internet.
    Occasionally, it is impossible to seriously fail in the internetz. But
    trolls have done the impossible. They fail. Because of this destruction
    in the delicate fabric of time and space, trolls fail it. And they want
    others to feel their fail. Do not walk into troll trap.

    There are two types of troll: the smart troll and the normal troll.

    Normal
    troll is annoyance. And fail. IQ lower than 9000 feet below sea level.
    Trolls like these are not worth a dime. You can make more money selling
    poop rather than selling a normal troll. Normal troll usually exists
    with a haphazard board name (see Troll Conventions as to the reason
    why) and haz usually no avatar. When encountering such troll, hunt with
    extreme prejudice. (Hunting techniques explained later.)

    Smart
    troll is dangerous. But still fail. Smart troll has IQ close to a
    normal baby. When encountering such a troll, do not hunt alone. Smart
    trolls can fight back (but still fail at it though). Smart trolls
    comprehend human speech and sometimes troll boards in packs. Smart
    trolls do advanced research, plan out their attacks, and hit you where
    it hurts. A smart troll can be identified by its apparent big head, and
    strong wind currents around it. Expect epic story when a smart troll
    goes down.

    OMG! Ph33r! How to combat troll?!


    See Hunting Techniques.

    Whar trolls come from? D:


    Trolls
    were once human beings. Once. Because their non-existent girlfriends
    dumped them, or because nobody-understands-me-bawwwww; they exist.
    Blame real-life. But don't do it. Do not risk being troll. D:

    Why j00 make dis guide d00d?


    Bored. Thinking of something to contribute to the Gods and Goddesses section. Meh, I also had a stalker troll.

    --------------

    Okay, so that's that. Let us now procede to Troll Identification 101.




    ==============
    How Can I Haz Identify Troll?
    aka "Troll Conventions"
    =============




    -Normal trolls have 0-50 post counts. Keyboard too small for troll fingers.

    - Normal trolls do not have avatars or signatures. It is punishable by law (moar like lawl, amirite?) to display a hideous troll's face. See a troll's face and be mentally scarred for life.

    -Normal
    trolls do not speak straight human language. Do not attempt to engage
    one in conversation. You have higher success chance getting a +26 Holy
    Rune than to successfully communicate with a troll.

    -Normal
    trolls have a lifespan of at least one day. Not even worthy of an epic
    failure. They just fail. This phenomenon is called "failing at
    failing". =/

    -Smart trolls have higher post counts than normal
    trolls. They may look human, and feel human. Too bad they fail it.
    Easily identified by shared characteristic with normal trolls: full of
    nonsense. :3

    -Smart trolls have avatars, and oversized
    signatures, usually those of the inhumane kind. Whatever you do, shield
    your eyes from troll literature. It burns, and has an intensity equal
    to a thousand white suns.

    -Smart trolls persist for a long time,
    or until GM bans account and makes new one. But smart trolls are,
    unfortunately, smart. They know how to walk around ban and ip blockeh.
    Advanced hunting methods are required for smart trolls. Only
    troll-hunting parties (and GM permishun) can effectively bring down
    successful troll.

    ===========
    Common Troll Attacks
    ===========


    1. j00 losers in board!!! weak!!!

    Rating: normal
    Note: Troll forgets he is also in board. The paradoxical statement completely nullifies his assertion.

    2. x is gay!

    Rating: funneh
    Note: Medieval troll is medieval. Observe silence for poor troll's ignorance.

    3. you guys suck!!!

    Rating: normal
    Note:
    Assert feminine side to avoid attack. If troll takes bait and changes
    statement of guys to 'girls', allow rightful female rage to take over.
    Hell hath no win against a woman scorned (sorry, forgot the original
    phrase. .__. )

    4.

    Rating: not worth it
    Note:
    Boards filter is win. Allow system to help troll express how
    badmouthing is wrong and how he luuuuurves Grand Chase so much. =D

    5. ajrperrq62343hjjksgh52345jk2h345j

    Rating: spam
    Note:
    Self-destructing troll. Be wary of troll boogers when troll starts
    slobbering all over place. Sign of immediate loss of whatever
    intelligence had left troll.

    6. pvp tau bla bla / guild war na lang!

    Rating: funneh
    Note:
    Do not entertain. One, trolls cannot play Grand Chase. They fail it.
    Two, trolls don't have guilds. They don't even know what it means.
    Words achieved through random slamming of abused keyboard is most
    accepted theory.

    Other attacks will be archived later. :3





    =============
    Troll Hunting Techniques
    aka "Raising your Anti-Troll Skills to level 10"

    ============





    Trolls
    die out in two known ways: they get buried or they explode. Here are
    some how-to's to help make your troll hunting experience fun and
    enjoyable.

    "The Funneh"


    When
    troll starts flaming (it means randomly spouting nonsense), immediately
    laugh. Insert smiley emoticons. Express love and joy. Start dancing
    around troll and throw flowers everywhere. This confuses troll and
    makes it attack once more. Insert more lolz to completely confound
    troll. A sad troll is a happy place to be in. =D

    "The Invisibility Cloak"


    When
    troll starts flaming, immediately insert a picture that has more sense
    than troll. Even if picture has no sense, it still has more sense than
    troll.

    Discuss picture with other forumites, completely ignoring troll. Do not feed troll. Ignore it.

    "OMG! Kelan lalabas si Lass?! D: "


    When
    troll starts flaming, quote the troll and immediately ask other people
    when will Lass get released. If troll answers, completely ignore and
    wait for someone to answer for you. If no one answers, immediately
    retreat, and get a friend's help to answer your question. Once question
    is answered, leave troll alone with a happy smile on your face and 2
    additional post counts. =D

    Even if Lass is released, still ask "kelan lalabas si Lass? D: "

    "Verbose"


    Do not feed the troll attention. But if you must, feed with poison in the form of heavy English.

    Ask assistance to convert something mundane into something with a gentleman-ish touch. E.g:

    NO
    U! becomes " I find that the statement made by the person that has
    asserted before me applies more to himself than to his intended target.
    Pip pip, tally ho~"

    or

    LOL becomes " The statement made
    by the starter of this particular string of ideas and thoughts seem to
    be vague and misshapen that I find the idea truly and remarkably
    preposterous, leaving me rapidly exhaling and inhaling for breath while
    continously expressing my amusement to the people that is around me.
    Jolly wut wut?"

    Assert intelligence. Trolls don't have it.

    Counter-Flame


    Effective against: smart troll

    If
    smart troll is intelligent enough to type coherent sentences, disregard
    'do not feed sign' and counter flame with sense-loaded posts. Assert
    that troll has a long way to go before improving at life.

    "Meme"


    Prerequisite: Must have had experience with 4chan.

    4chan
    is a dangerous place, apply skills learned from 4chan with extreme
    caution. Only use skills when other /b/tards are around, lest fail.

    More skills to be archived over time. :3

    "k"


    When faced with a troll, simply reply 'k'.

    you suk! 'k'
    you looser! 'k'
    you gay! 'k'
    aiubosijwjr 'k'
    ?????? 'k'

    Watch troll self-destruct.

    "Wapanese"


    Prerequisite: Must have guild

    If
    troll sees guild toilet and immediately sets residency on it, fill the
    guild up with wapanese (japanese talk) or some far-out dialect that
    only your guild understands. Yes, konyo counts. Or geh lingo, if you
    want to rub salt on their noses.

    If troll understands your language, ignore. Trolls do not understand anything. It is only your imagination.







    =============
    Smart Trolls
    =============




    Unfortunately,
    it usually takes a pack effort to successfully bring down a smart
    troll. Form a guild party if necessary. Smart trolls are immune to most
    normal-troll-hunting techniques.

    Mostly, smart trolls think
    they fight with logic. But it is troll logic, which is 9000 times below
    huminzz logic. Smart trolls refuse general information and assert
    me-information. Immediately slap reality in troll's face to bring it
    back from its high chair. You are not cool. You are not smart. No, you
    do not have a girlfriend (or vice-versa if troll is non-man).

    Often,
    smart trolls are people within the forums for a long time. Be ready for
    treachery, especially with a troll that knows your weakpoints.
    Strengthen your mental fervor and keep a cool head, and a happy smile
    in your face.





    ===========
    Weppunzz Against Troll
    ===========





    - Photobucket for your image needs. The site has a lot of funneh pictures to ignore troll or to shield attacks.

    - Google is your friend. Use search button with pride and without reservation.

    -LOLcats for effective picture meme. Dogs are gewd against trolls, but a cat is fine too. Use cat to pawnzorz troll.

    - motifake.com for demotivation needs. Look for funneh pictures to boost morale.

    - onemanga.com to have something to talk about while waiting for troll to explode in a lolzy manner.

    - Report Buttan
    is VERY important. Immediately use upon identifying troll on-sight.
    Report Buttan summons special guardian force FM Cloud to purge spammeh.
    FM attacks combo with GM to banzorz troll upon identification. Only use
    Report Buttan when one is sure troll is troll.

    Press Buttan and Reciev Ban. :3







    ============
    Teh Summary
    ============






    -
    Trolls are misunderstood people. Do not attempt to understand them.
    They will eat you if you show one bit of compassion. Trolls are there
    for the misery of forum newbies. Eradication is teh only option.

    - Trolls require love and attention. Therefore, ignore and ignore them. Everyone deserves love. Except trolls.

    -
    Trolls cannot read. Nor write. Whatever intelligence a troll is
    exhibiting is just your imagination. Except for smart trolls. But
    you're still smarter than a smart troll. Exploit that intelligence of
    yours and refuse to submit to troll baiting.

    - When troll
    targets you, immediately feel flattered and revolted at the same time.
    Disclaim your feelings at once and properly reject troll. When troll
    continually harrasses you to accept their love (aka making thread
    topics, or impersonating you), threaten to throw your neighbor's urinal
    pot (and its content) at troll if they attempt to make "harana" in your
    house.

    Trolls change gender when they love someone. If you are
    a boy, troll is boy. If you are girl, troll is girl. We refer trolls as
    'it' when they just spam and flame without direction.

    - Trolls
    are there to remind you that God loves you enough to make you a human,
    instead of a lowly troll hiding under a bridge. Be happy.

    -
    Trolls are afraid of zombie movies, weak against fire attacks
    (counter-flaming) and gender talks (especially when they are target of
    talks). Smart trolls, when faced with a smart forumite, become normal
    trolls. Consider yourself winnar when smart troll degrades to normal
    troll. Fresh meat.

    - Common warcry that makes trolls mad is
    "bawwwwwwww!" When you are first to reply in troll thread, disregard
    any idea and write "bawwwwwwww!" instead. Make troll mad and recieve
    profit!

    An improved version of "bawwwwwwwww!" is "Cry moar! 8D".

    To find out click the spoiler button.

    Original thread is here: http://gcboards.levelupgames.ph/index.php?showtopic=10691
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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by Konishi on 16/8/2009, 9:00 am

    Hmm...
    Good guide I suppose. However, I feel rather bad that those things once
    aimed at me XD
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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by iReject on 16/8/2009, 11:13 am

    lol, funny stuff.
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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by Flair on 16/8/2009, 2:34 pm

    Oo, time to put this baby to use!
    *Goes to Nexon forums*
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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by Konishi on 16/8/2009, 6:57 pm

    It's no use, remember, it's like being a zombie killer, there are no end to them.
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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by Reuku on 16/8/2009, 7:41 pm

    thanx alot kstyller now the trolls know our actions and will use it against us.

    also we need to band together if we are to get rid of kooki. Unfortunately she is a smart troll.
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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by Flair on 16/8/2009, 9:32 pm

    I didn't mean give them the guide.. I meant use the info. on this guide to kill trolls at Nexon forums.
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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by Konishi on 17/8/2009, 6:27 am

    Good luck kooki hunting then.
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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by Brentt on 18/8/2009, 1:59 pm

    Ah.
    I was kind of laughing as I was reading.
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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

    Post by Konishi on 18/8/2009, 2:55 pm

    Brentt wrote:Ah.
    I was kind of laughing as I was reading.
    I suppose that means you're already taking the first step agains trolls, laugh at them!

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    Re: How to Succesfully kill a Troll!

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